Dividing the Family Home: Lessons Learned from My Own Divorce

By Jill Thomas, Realtor | The Snipes Team at eXp Realty

The family home isn’t just four walls and a roof — it’s where memories are made, children grow up, and, often, it’s the single largest financial asset in the marriage. When I went through my own divorce, figuring out what to do with the home was one of the hardest parts. The questions felt endless: Who stays? Should we sell? Could one of us really afford the mortgage alone?

I learned quickly that understanding your options — legally, financially, and emotionally — is the first step toward making decisions that actually work for you.

Understanding the Legal Status of Your Home

The first thing I had to figure out was whether the home was considered marital property or separate property. Real estate isn’t like personal items — ownership isn’t always obvious.

Marital property includes anything acquired together during marriage — homes, cars, bank accounts, retirement funds, and even debt — regardless of whose name is on the deed or paycheck. Even if only one spouse’s name is on the mortgage, if the house was purchased during the marriage with marital funds, it’s likely marital property. Some homes can be separate property if they were:

• Owned before marriage

• Inherited or gifted specifically to one spouse

• Protected by a prenuptial agreement

State Laws Matter as well so it's always best to consult with an attorney to see what your state divides marital assets.

Determining Your Home’s Value

One of the most important things to know is your home’s true value. Thankfully being in the Real Estate field I had insight on this part. There are a couple of ways you can determine this. 

• Professional appraisal – provides an accurate, court-defensible number

• Comparative Market Analysis (CMA) – real estate agents can give reasonable estimates
  

Options for Dividing the Home

Once you understand the legal status and value, you need to decide what to do. For most couples, there are three main paths:

1. Sell the home and split proceeds – This is often the simplest approach. For us, selling provided a clean break and cash to start fresh.

2. Buyout – One spouse keeps the home and buys the other out. Refinancing is usually required. I considered this, but single-income refinancing was tougher than I expected.

3. Deferred sale / nesting – Postpone selling until kids reach a milestone. My children were older so this option didn't make sense to me.
   

Financial Considerations

Keeping the home post-divorce isn’t just about emotions — the financial reality matters. If you stay, remember:

• Mortgage, taxes, insurance

• Maintenance (1–3% of home value per year)

• Unexpected repairs

• Utilities and HOA fees
  

Refinancing Realities

Buying out a spouse usually means refinancing on a single income, which may result in:

• Higher interest rates

• Closing costs of 2–5%

• Stricter income requirements

• PMI if equity drops below 20%
  

Emotional Considerations

Houses carry memories. Making decisions purely from attachment can lead to financial strain. Ask yourself:

• Is keeping the house worth the financial and emotional cost?

• Will staying prolong reminders of the past?

• How does this impact your children’s stability?

For me, letting go of the house was emotionally tough, but it ultimately allowed me to start fresh — financially and mentally.

Legal Steps to Make It Official

Even after deciding, the law requires proper execution:

• Divorce decree – formalizes the agreement

• Quitclaim deed – transfers ownership

• Refinancing documents – remove departing spouse from mortgage

• Property settlement agreement – outlines timing and process
  

Working with professionals (attorneys, real estate agents, lenders, mediators) makes this process manageable and protects your interests.

Moving Forward

Dividing a home during divorce is overwhelming, but understanding your legal, financial, and emotional options helps you make decisions that support your future.

I’ve been there, and I know how hard it is. As a Realtor my experience with clients in this same situation changed once I was able to understand how they were feeling. If you’re facing this now, I’d love to guide you through the process and make sure you feel confident in the decisions you’re making for your future.